Daddy's Girl

Today I am having one of those I miss my Dad days. But not my dad- more like the idea of what I wish my Dad was like. For some reason the lost little girl inside me is out and about missing her Daddy. I was driving to work today wishing I had that ideal father in my life. You know, the one man who will never let you down, the one man in a girls life that will love her unconditionally. I thought that if I prayed to God maybe He would be the father I wanted. But as most of us know- just because you pray doesn't mean it happens or at least when or how you want it to. It seems my relationships with both my father's are like every other relationship in my life: emotional and messy. These thoughts make me think of my friend Jenni. Jenni, I hope you read this because for some reason I think you will have some answers for me. I think you can tell me how to reconnect- at least in the spiritual sense. I have a little sister who, I am ashamed to say, I am extremely envious of. When I do visit my Dad there are pictures all over the house of them together- at girl scouts, daddy/daughter dances- whatever it is. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy my sister has the Dad I wanted and sad that I don't have my own pictures and memories to share.

I think it is strange that this is all surfacing for me at once. My Dad and my faith somehow are intertwining and I am not sure why. Well, I have some sort of idea. My real life father failed me so I guess I feel no need to try with my Heavenly one. I am on a new mission of self discovery. I can't just pretend things are ok or want so badly for things to be perfect that I pretend they are.

I had to start a blog for a class and it got me thinking that maybe starting a personal one would be beneficial to me. Especially since I like to hide my problems or feelings or whatever you want to call them. So, I suppose I am reaching out to some old and some new friends for some advice and encouragement. Because even though I hate admitting it- I do not know everything, I am not always right and I get lost sometimes too.

Ok, friends- this is the first issue at hand. Let me know what you think.
-K